Doing it with Grace

Last year father's day I love this picture!

Well I have been avoiding blogging about this even though it is very much on my mind, but I just keep thinking maybe if I don't talk about it, it won't be real, After all I am, very good at denial.

About three weeks ago we found out that John's dad leukemia returned, we knew it was coming back someday we just hoped it would take longer. It was almost exactly a year from the first diagnosis. The news is not good, he is on some medication that he receives seven days in a row every four weeks and in addition to that he had to still receive platelets, and sometimes antibiotics. He is done with his first round and is starting to feel okay, but is still very tired and now they have put in a central port cath in his chest. That being said, this man is tough he never complains about how he feels, sometimes he just says "I don't feel as good as I did yesterday." Of course this is the man that walked around for weeks with a disintegrated gall bladder. But he is a tough old farmer. I have watched him very closely through this process and been very touched by his strength and his character.
Working on the farm

The road has not been an easy one for us, he and I have butted heads a couple of times and that is not shocking considering we are two of the most stubborn people on the planet. But I have to say I have so learned to love this man, he is an AMAZING grandpa to my children. They love him so much and as soon as they see Grandpa has come to the farm, they are throwing on their boots as fast as they can yelling at me, "We have to go help Grandpa!!" I love the lessons he has taught my children about the value of hard work and saving and being VERY frugal. I have known him most of my life as he was my Bishop from the time I was five till I was ten or so and then he was my stake president. (funny huh?) So to be able to see at this time when he is very close to leaving us and the stalwart grace he has, is so inspiring. I have seen him soften over that last year and I had the AMAZING opportunity to write his life history for him for a family history book being published. To hear about his experiences with the church and some of the prophets and apostles have taken my breath away. I have truly had a change of heart. I love him so much, and more importantly my children love him so much. We had to sit them down to explain to them what was happening with Grandpa and how Heavenly Father must really need him because he is calling him home very soon,
Dad and Lulu blessing day

I HATE having to break my children's heart, but I do take so much comfort in the fact that they will all remember him and all what he stood for when the time finally does come which I hope is a long time from now!!

This is the part of parenting that I must have missed where you help your children through insurmountable pain. Dad at the height of chemo still smiling!
I don't remember signing up for that. And I often wonder how in the world did Heavenly Father watch his son have so much of it. It just boggles my mind! But I am so grateful for the joy and experience of being a part of this great family and the time I have been given to come to love this man so much! And I pray for the strength to be the mom, wife, daughter in law, sister in law that helps her family during this time. And I also pray it won't be soon. Sorry to be such a downer, I just had to get my feelings out.
Brody, Catie and Caden on the horse with Dad leading the way